so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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