my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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