He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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