I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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