If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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