Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
