I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
