when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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