I think im going to throw up on grandma
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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