I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
