Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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