But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
