So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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