We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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