he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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