JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
