There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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