Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
