Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
