u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
