I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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