you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
