i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has the fingertips of a God
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