Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
