It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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