I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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