I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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