he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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