doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want a musical about memes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
