I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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