I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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