I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
