Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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