He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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