If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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