Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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