just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
