Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
