Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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