Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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