the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
