I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
