Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
