Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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