Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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