but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
40s are totally the cure
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think my moral compass just broke
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
