I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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