I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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