I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
