I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
