i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
