I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
