DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Barsexuality is the new black.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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