I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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