The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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