I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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