Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
there is glitter all over my balls
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