i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize