I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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