You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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