u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A bitchslap is in order.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
