He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
